the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
