wakey wakey hands off snakey
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
