the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
