giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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