i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
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you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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