Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
