I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
