Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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