Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in