worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically