I want to have your abortion
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.