shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Small penises have feelings too.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize