just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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