I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
