Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
