wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
