You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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