Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
