sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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