I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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