No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
