We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
