maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
