Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
