in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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