Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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