Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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