Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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