Ambien. No doubt about it.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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