this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
