It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
