We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
And then he peed in my hair
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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