So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
