Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
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My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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