I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
