Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Buhtt sex?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
