carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
