guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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