After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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