fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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