The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Found the puke drawer
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
