They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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