i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
