Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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