Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
