he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
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She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
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No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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