i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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