i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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