My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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