she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
