it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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