batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
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Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
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All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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