Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
