My hand turned me down
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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