why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
