You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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