I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
A+ Viking dick
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
