I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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