batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
