this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
