So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
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what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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