I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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