yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
