he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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