wakey wakey hands off snakey
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.