what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.