please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples