I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
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We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.